Competition often works its way into marriage, as both husband and wife struggle to see that their own needs are met. Is this inevitable?

Each of us is unique, with his own interests, approach to life, and moral standards. These differences can be a major stumbling block to marital harmony. There is another, even greater, obstacle: self-centeredness, which induces us to seek personal benefit from every situation we encounter in life.

Marriage is held up to be life’s most promising institution. We are lead to believe it will satisfy all our physical and spiritual needs. A man, for example, often expects well-planned and tasty meals, a comfortable bed, and a quiet corner to which he can retreat. Above all, he expects a loving and understanding wife who will create a warm and pleasant environment to shelter him from the competitive atmosphere of the office. With such dreams, he approaches marriage anticipating a long list of personal gains.

He invests almost no thought in what he can or should contribute to his spouse and the home they will share.

As a result, competition - camouflaged, but keen, nonetheless - works its way into the marriage. Both husband and wife struggle to see that their own needs are met. This competition between husband and wife is not new, but in our time it has intensified due to the increasingly cut-throat nature of the business world, the promotion of instant gratification, and the shattering of norms regarding the complementary and mutually beneficial roles of husband and wife, it has intensified.

The remedy is to turn everything around - to forego selfishness for selflessness. Rather than asking, “What’s in it for me?” we must learn to ask, “What can I give to you and how can I contribute to our marriage?”

A couple who approach marriage with this wisdom have taken their first major step on the path to happiness in marriage.