Man is happy only when he feels his life has a purpose. So, too, must a marriage have a goal to achieve, if it is to bring a couple happiness. A marriage that aspires to nothing greater than a “good relationship” - enjoying each other’s company, doing fun things together, or even being emotionally close - will eventually stagnate, or worse, become hollow, wither, and die. Common goals foster a sense of transcendent meaning and richness in a marriage, causing it constantly to flourish.

The Sages express this idea in describing a successful marriage as one of “sh’lom bayis,” domestic harmony. Peace is not an end in itself. No country would declare its goal as peaceful co-existence with its neighbors. Rather, peace merely creates the environment in which a nation can realize its higher goals. So too, sh’lom bayis is merely the means for a couple to achieve higher goals. At the same time, a couple will find that devoting themselves to a common aim results in even greater sh’lom bayis, as disagreements which might otherwise overwhelm the marriage assume less significance.     

To the Jewish mind, the noblest purpose a couple can adopt as their goal is building a home based on Torah and mitzvot (G-d’s commandments). Such marriages will experience an immeasurable increase in sh’lom bayis, as well as an ever-deepening bond between husband and wife.