We enter marriage expecting our spouse to be perfect. When we discover he or she has shortcomings, we ask ourselves a fateful question: “Did I make a mistake?” This thought stems from a misunderstanding of marriage.

We enter marriage expecting our spouse to be perfect: thoroughly lovable, attractive, and admirable. Yet, only a few weeks into the relationship, we discover he or she has shortcomings - and we’re in shock. Whether the matter is trivial, like forgetting to put the cap on the toothpaste, or significant, such as lack of intelligence, sensitivity, decision-making ability, or common sense, our dreams suddenly go up in smoke. The fateful question arises: Did I choose the wrong person?

This dangerous thought stems from a mistaken understanding of marriage. A precious gift from G-d, marriage is intended to help us overcome our loneliness, conquer our selfishness, and become complete - and we must constantly remind ourselves of this. Add the fact that our spouse has undertaken to love us and be our best friend for life (despite our own faults), and our complaints should disappear.

Rather than bemoaning the defective creature we’ve married, we should be grateful for everything our spouse is and accept his or her shortcomings.* No one is perfect, and the choice of a spouse is simply the choice of which imperfections to live with. This view can turn a marriage around and make it the rewarding relationship G-d intended it to be.

*This excludes abuse.