Parents who vacillate about what they expect of their children, will be consistent in the demands they place the younger generation. Typically, they will be lenient when it suits them and ­strict about the same matter at other times. This confuses the child and makes him lose respect for the parent. The child is no fool; he realizes that the choice between leniency and strictness is not based on principles, but it usually determined by what is happening at the time and the mood of the parent involved. Parents act in this way because they lack a well-defined set of values set to which they feel the family should adhere. Since the parents themselves are not sure what they want to demand of their child, they are not able to establish healthy patterns of behavior in their children.

We cannot stress enough how important consistency is in the processes of education. It is a basic key to success in raising the child. A youngster needs guidance in learning to distinguish between right and wrong. Ideally, he should receive this from his parents. If the child is able to throw a tantrum and thus change his parent's decision about the treat, or any other privilege which they decided to deny him, the child quickly comes to the conclusion that his parents lack a reliable, irrefutable ethical yardstick. This image of the parent as lacking well-defined, permanent values is tantamount to an educational failure.

Let us give an example from everyday life.

Mother: I said no, and that's the end of the discussion. You're not going, period. There's nothing to talk about. Forget about it!

Rachel: But Mommy...

Mother: You heard what I said. (Wearily, with less determination than before.)

Rachel: Just this once, Mommy.

Mother, with a sigh of resignation: Well, if you're a very good girl, we'll think about it.

The child quickly registers the message: Mother's "No" has moved down the scale and is now a bit closer to being a "Yes." It's worth the daughter's while to try again; maybe she'll manage to persuade the mother to retract her retreat another step or two from her initial decision. A third and fourth attempt, and the mother appears to be mouthing the word “No” and, at the same time, nodding her head, “Yes.” Rachel senses that victory is not so far away. She has learned to be a skilled player of “the game” and presses home her advantage.

Rachel: “I promise you that I'll do my homework every day. You'll see! I'll get it done without you even reminding me. I'll pick up my clothes and put them in the hamper, and even make my bed in the morning, and I'll be quiet when you're resting.

“Please, Mommy...”

“Well, just this one time, if you promise me that you'll always be good,” the weary mother concedes.

Rachel has won again, but, in the long run, she has lost out. True, she won this particular battle, but her loss is far greater: a mother whom she can respect and obey out of that respect. Children quickly pinpoint their parents' weak spots. They know just how to apply pressure in their attempts to gain a parent's approval. They will promise the world, because they know that, in the end, the parents will give in.

Both parents and child know that it is the way of children to pester their parents for something they want, that they will promise the moon, (without stopping to consider whether or not they can fulfill their promises) if only Mom or Dad will give in to their request. As a result, the parent surrenders the reins to his child, and is no longer a figure of authority in the household.

These children, lose far more than they gain by their immediate victories. They have gained a new toy, a trip or a treat; but, at the same time, they have lost a healthy, productive childhood under the guidance of a parent whom they respect and accept as a role model. It is foolhardy to say "no" with the intention of eventually giving in and acquiescing to the child's request. This only serves to further undermine the parent's stance of authority in the eyes of the child.

Such a parent must decide that the time has come for his or her word to be a word, fully respected and carried out to the end. When a parent says no, he should mean just that; furthermore, he must stand behind his decision. Before the parent does say no, he must take the time to think over his decision from every point of view, and to consider the repercussions of dissent. Only then can he answer "yes" or "no" with full confidence he can see through on his decision. The child will soon learn that it is worth his while to accept the parent's conditions, and is worth his while to live up to his commitments, because the parent will also stick by his word. Now the guidelines are clearly defined, and stable. The child will soon learn that there's nothing to bargain about; a yes is a yes, and a no is a no. There's no longer any point in wheedling, pleading, arguing, and pouting. He gains nothing as a result.

Life becomes calmer and pleasanter for both parents and children, and, most important of all, the children gain an education that will prepare them for a constructive, fruitful life as adults.