A woman’s basic emotional need is to feel that her husband loves her. One of the worst things a husband can do to his wife is to criticize her angrily.

A woman’s basic emotional need is for her husband to love her. When she feels he doesn’t, she experiences intense pain. One of the worst things a husband can do to his wife, therefore, is criticize her angrily.

Many husbands believe they have a “holy” obligation to correct every minor shortcoming in their wives. Even if this notion were true (and it isn’t), angry criticism is not the way to go about; it merely triggers a defensive reaction. The wife will likely deny the accusations hurled at her, or she will turn on her husband in a counterattack, accusing him of even worse faults. He will then grow angrier and more determined to convince her that he is right. At this point the woman will sense that his anger is completely out of proportion to anything she has done, and start to feel he doesn’t love her. At the same time, he’ll conclude that she’s dishonest and unable to admit she’s wrong, and that a person who prefers quarreling to improving her character doesn’t deserve respect.

The result of all this can be marital catastrophe.

But, in fact, a husband needn’t feel obligated to correct his wife’s shortcomings. Rather, he must learn to live with them.* If criticism is indeed necessary from time to time, he must express it constructively, making sure his wife feels no less loved because of it.

Faithful adherence to this golden rule can preserve the love so essential to marriage.

*This excludes abuse.