As a unit, the family structure will give expression to the nobler side of human character. However, if misused, it becomes a hotbed for the cultivation of egoistic self-serving conceit. When we over-focus on the physical comforts of our lives, we may relegate the human aspect to second place in favor of the mechanics of keeping a home running smoothly. When that happens, the relationship among the members of the family can be reduced to robot-like routine. Boredom sets in. Husband and wife are likely to give vent to the negative aspects of their character. The cause, as stated above, is the human failing of selfishness, the pernicious trait which can taint any interpersonal relationship with its poison.

When we give in to our baser nature, we open the door to self-centered behaviors. The key which opens this door is a craving for physical pleasures. In a storm of sexual desire, the husband may forget himself and reduce physical intimacy to an act of mere self-indulgence and self-centered conceit, in all its ugliness. At such a time, he thinks of himself alone, not of the affection which makes him and his wife a couple united by love and mutual respect.

The Torah corrects this attitude through the laws of family purity. It transforms selfish lust into a concern for the welfare of one's spouse. The Torah teaches us to sublimate physical intimacy between husband and wife to an expression of their closeness to each other. Ideally, this act should elevate the couple to a higher level, one of unity through mutual concern and love. In this situation, the giver and the taker complement each other, so much so, that the two roles cannot be separated from each other. One receives in the process of giving, and gives in the process of receiving.

Touch is a powerful tool that can build bridges between two separate individuals. Like any other tool, it can be used to build or to destroy. Used constructively, it helps build up a friendship. Likewise, it can intensify a pre-established bond of love. On the other hand, it can establish an unhealthy dependency. In other instances, its power can create a fleeting sense of closeness which does not really exist. The sensation soon dissipates, leaving emptiness in its wake.

The Creator fashioned Man with an inborn yearning to find a mate. Someone who is not yet married feels incomplete. He senses that he is lacking a part of himself which is yet to be found. This sense of deficiency can go so far as to cause pain. Consequently, one of Man's greatest longings is to attain a sense of completeness by experiencing a sincere, spiritual bond with another human being.

For the moment, the power of physical contact is so great that one may easily be deluded. Therefore, it is essential that we distinguish between physical closeness and sharing an authentic spiritual bond. When experiencing physical closeness, the intellect is overwhelmed by the intense sensation of togetherness, to the extent that it is blinded to reality. The mind fails to identify the transient nature of this bond. For the moment it appears to satisfy one of Man's deepest needs. However, if it is based on physical contact alone, this bond will soon dissipate into nothingness, leaving a painful void in its stead.

From the moment that a woman is deluded by this feeling she is no longer in a position to make an objective evaluation of whether or not the man to whom she feels so close is a compatible spouse with whom she can build a healthy home. She is likely to fool herself into thinking that this is the “better half” of herself, the fulfillment of her dreams. Any number of factors can lead a person to involvement in such an unhealthy relationship. The most common cause of this type of negative complication is a premature physical relationship with a prospective mate.

The converse is also true. Restraint with regard to premarital relations contributes in just the opposite manner. It leaves the head clear to consider objectively whether or not this is indeed the person with whom one wishes to build his or her future. When the bond between two prospective marriage partners remains purely in the realm of the abstract, there is always a “safety zone” to keep the two individuals somewhat apart and to allow for the establishment of an authentic, significant bond on the intellectual and emotional levels.