As mentioned above, Man's existence comprises three spheres: the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual. Which of these is most important in establishing a good marriage? We might easily say that since the bond between man and wife is basically a feeling, the emotional aspect is predominant. In actual fact, this is not the case.

The quality of the emotional attachment between husband and wife is determined primarily by their degree of spirituality. In other words, the more each of them has learned to overcome Man's natural inclination to self-service, the more successful will the marriage be. In a happy marriage, both husband and wife feel fully confident that the other spouse is completely devoted to him or her. Consequently, the emotional aspect of their bond is determined by the degree to which each of them has advanced toward spiritual perfection and therefore become more altruistic rather than remaining a self-centered egoist. Only a couple aware that the key to marriage lies in learning how to enjoy giving to others can hope for a long-lasting, happy life together.

The physical aspect of their bond also plays a substantial role in creating a happy marriage. As noted, this bond serves not only to ensure the future of the human race, and not only to channel Man's physical drives to a positive course, but also strengthens the bond between husband and wife. Heaven created man with this drive so that the couple might have a means of nurturing the emotional bond between them. This bond, however, by its very nature, is short-lived, and as such, will not establish an on-going, permanent tie which will grow and deepen with time. It may be likened to a seed which has no soil in which to sprout, and no water to enable it to grow. Physical intimacy can and will strengthen a pre-existing bond, but in and of itself, cannot create such a bond. If physical closeness is not an expression of an emotional bond, the result will be just the opposite. It can destroy the marriage altogether. In this instance, satisfying man's physical drives is an expression only of self-love, not affection for another. Exploiting physical intimacy purely for selfish pleasure undermines the very fundamental cornerstone of marriage, giving to others.

A couple whose intimacy comes only after their marriage, will continue to grow as a result. What is more, Jewish law defines the expression of this love: “Our Sages stipulated that a husband should love his wife as himself, and honor her even more than he honors himself” (Rambam, Laws of Marriage, Chapter 15).

The laws of family purity also serve to enhance the affection between husband and wife, so that their relationship not be reduced to mere routine. During and following the woman's menstrual period, she and her husband refrain from all physical contact. The Talmud explains that one of the results of this law is “…so that she will be as beloved to her husband as on the day they were wed.” (Nidah 31) In this manner, sincere love is constantly renewed and refreshed. This is no fleeting passion or infatuation which feeds on external, superficial stimuli, but a true love which flows from mutual admiration and sincere devotion one to another.

What is the guarantee of a stable family life? The warmth and love which prevail in the home. These factors are strong enough to bring joy and elation into the Jewish family regardless of outside factors and difficulties. Without this inner happiness, marriage weighs down on a man and a woman as heavy shackles and chains.

In the Western world, “Love” is considered a magic word. Just the sound of it arouses flames of strong emotion in the hearts of young people. Their imagination soars to the unknown, their very nature is transformed. Not so on the lips of the senior citizen, weathered and chafed by the trials of time. His reaction is more likely a sardonic half-smile. How many hearts has this word broken! What tragedies has it wrought, with its special power? How many worlds has it dashed to pieces?

“Free love!” How many have been lead astray by these words and become intoxicated with the very sound of them. The truth of the matter is that there is no such phenomenon. This is not “love.” A person with a minimum of judgment and unbiased, critical analysis who evaluates the matter will come to the conclusion that this is merely a euphemism for a very different emotion… Free love is not a solid foundation on which to establish a home and a family. Only love which has been sanctified, that is pure and noble, can serve as the basis required. The Torah's exhortation that a man “cling to his wife” elevates marriage to an entirely different sphere.

We find a parallel expression in another verse: “You shall follow the L-rd your G-d, and to Him shall you cling.” (Deuteronomy 13:5) In the eyes of Judaism, family life does not consist of physical intimacy between husband and wife alone. The strong bond that unites a couple is the outgrowth of the ideals, values, and visions they share together. They join together in a pledge of mutual devotion in order to act together to fulfill the ideals and hopes for the future that they share in common. Throughout their years together, these values and aspirations will be clearly defined. They constitute the cement which joins the couple and keeps the home they build together strong and intact.