Amos the Barber was a veteran member of the community of Chelm, which was not known for its sophistication.  His wife, Leah, fell ill, and was confined to bed.  She suffered from a cough and shortness of breath.  When various home remedies failed to improve her condition, the local doctor was summoned.

Dr. Mazor recommended a long rest and three glasses of goat's milk every day.  Now Amos had a problem.  No goat's milk was available in Chelm itself; he would have to make the trek to an outlying village to buy a nanny goat.  Early the next morning, Amos left Chelm and managed to cover over half the distance before the sun got too hot.

By eleven o'clock, he felt he could go no further.  He must stop for a rest and a long, cool drink.  In the distance he spotted the Silver Swan, a roadside inn, and quickened his pace.  Once inside, he quenched his thirst and chatted with the innkeeper, Johann, who seemed to have nothing more pressing to do than to listen to his customer describe his wife's illness and the doctor's recommendations for a cure.

"So you're off to buy a goat?" Johann asked.

"That's right," Amos nodded.

"Well, then, I wish you good luck.  Be sure to stop here on your way back and let me know how you made out," Johann urged him.  Inwardly, he chuckled and congratulated himself on the clever idea he had in mind. Here was a golden opportunity to play a prank on the hapless Jew when he returned with his goat.

Three hours later, Amos again made his way up the path that led to Silver Swan.  This time, he had a nanny goat in tow.  When he reached the yard, he tied the animal to a hitching post, made certain the knot was firm, and turned to enter the inn.  He could use another drink and a chance to rest his weary bones.

Johann was waiting for him.  "So you're back again!  Did you get your goat?"

Amos ordered a drink and proceeded to describe his transaction with Stefan, a farmer in the next village.  Johann congratulated him on his purchase, and turned to the kitchen.  Then he went out the back door and headed for his own goats.  He chose a billy goat that was more or less similar to the animal tied up outside the inn. Then he silently circled around the inn, taking the animal with him.  Deftly he untied the rope that bound the nanny goat, and substituted his own billy goat for the one Amos had just purchased.  Then he quickly made off with the nanny goat and hid it in his barn.

Amos had a long rest, and rose to continue on the way.  He went out to the yard, unhitched the goat he found waiting there patiently, and with no further thought, continued on his way.  He reached Chelm late in the evening, fed and watered the goat, and was soon fast asleep.

The next morning, Leah took a pail and went out to milk the goat.  To her consternation, she discovered that there was no milk to be had from the animal her husband had brought home with him; it was a billy goat!

Weak and frustrated, she hurried back into the house and began to berate her luckless husband.  "What did you let them sell you?  You brought home a billy goat!  How are we going to get milk from it?"

"It can't be!" argued Amos.  "Stefan, the farmer who sold me the goat milked it right before my eyes!"

"If he knows how to get a bucket of milk from a he-goat, let him come here and show us how to do it!" countered Leah weakly, as she fell into a chair.

"Give me the bucket," Amos demanded.  "I'll go milk that silly goat myself!"

Pail in hand, he marched out the back door, determined to put an end to his wife's nonsense.

A rude surprise awaited him.  Try as he might, he could not deny that the beast tied up in the pen in his back yard was a male, not a female.  It took him several minutes to admit defeat, but eventually he, too, returned to the house with an empty milk pail.

"I can't understand it," he kept mumbling to himself.  "When did Stefan change the nanny goat for a billy goat?  And why would he do such a thing, any way?"

He tried to calm Leah, but there was nothing he could do to help her.  The doctor had clearly recommended goat's milk, and they had none.  Nor were they going to get any from the animal Amos had brought home the day before.

With a heavy heart, Amos admitted that there was no choice but to go back to the village and complain to the farmer that he had cheated them.  Next morning, he set out once again for the day-long trek there and back.  Just as he had done the first time, he stopped at the Silver Swan to refresh himself.

Johann recognized him at once.  It was all he could do to repress a belly laugh.  Feigning good-hearted concern, he asked Amos how his wife was enjoying the milk from their new goat.

Amos poured out the whole story angrily.  Johann expressed his amazement that a farmer could do such a nasty trick on an innocent customer.  He provided Amos with an extra large glass of cool spring water, and excused himself.  Once again, he deftly untied one goat and substituted the other one.  When Amos left the inn twenty minutes later, he unknowingly took with him the original she-goat that he had purchased from Stefan.

The closer he drew to the village, the more the Chelmite's insides churned with anger.  To walk all this way, again, in the heat, just because of some lowly farmer who had cheated him! 

He was red with the heat of the sun and his anger when he reached Stefan's house.  The minute Amos spotted him, he poured out his wrath.  "You cheat!  You thought you could trick me, didn't you!  Don't you know the difference between a she-goat and a billy-goat?"

The farmer was taken by surprise.  "What do you mean?" he asked innocently.  Amos described his arrival at home with the much-awaited "nanny goat" and the attempts to milk it.  He poured all his embarrassment at his failure to provide for his wife into a diatribe against swindlers and cheats.  Other villagers stopped to watch, curious to learn the cause of the ruckus.

The farmer knew at a glance that this was no billy goat.  He couldn't make head or tale of Amos' tale.  Being of practical nature, he knew one way to put an end to the scene; he took a pail, sat himself down next to the he-she goat in question, and started to milk it.  Soon there was a frothy white liquid in the bottom of the pail.

Defiantly, Stefan held the bucket up for Amos to see.  "Now if that's not top grade goat's milk, what is it?" he demanded.  "Your wife never lived on a farm!  She doesn't know how to milk a goat!"

Amos was dumbstruck.  It was too much for him.  Was this fellow some sort of magician?  How could it be? 

Hot and tired, he sank onto a nearby fence, too weary for words.  Where had he made a mistake?  How could it be that both he and Leah were convinced that this was a billy goat, and the farmer managed to extract fine, white milk from it?

He was too confused to think straight.  Without another word, he took the mysterious animal by the rope around its neck, and turned to leave.  All the way back to the Silver Swan, he pondered the enigma of his baffling he-she-goat, but could find no explanation for what had happened.

Back in the Silver Swan, he was only too pleased to have a sympathetic ear for his woes.  And Johann was more than willing to listen. He almost seemed to enjoy his role as a sympathetic audience of one.  And, of course, he once again whisked the nanny goat into his barn, and tied his own billy goat in its stead.

Every bone in Amos' body begged for some respite by the time he arrived back home, but he was determined to redeem his self-respect and prove that he had been right all along.  Stefan was right. He had bought a nanny goat; his wife just didn't know how to milk it.

Leah was waiting for him anxiously.  She was determined to milk the goat then and there.  If fresh goat's milk would help her to feel better, why wait until the morning?

Amos described his "visit" in the village, and his exchange with the farmer.  "Stefan said you must not know how to milk a goat.  He took a pail and milked her right before my eyes!  I was at my wit's end to know how we made such mistake.  Imagine!  I walked all the way there and back, a second time, just because you don't know how to milk a goat!"

"Rubbish!" countered Leah.  "I know how to milk a goat as well as anyone, but no one can milk a billy goat!"

Amos was too exhausted to answer.  He fell into bed.  Perhaps the problem would be easier to solve in the morning.

Unfortunately for Amos, nothing changed the next day.  The goat was still a he-goat, and the milk pail was as empty as ever.  All the next day, he tried to convince Leah that he had, indeed, purchased a nanny goat, and that the farmer had shown him a sample of its milk, but to no avail.

Leah defied him to produce one drop of milk from his prize goat.  When he, too, failed, he resigned himself to a third trip to the village.  This time, he promised himself, no one would take advantage of him.

The next day, when Amos arrived at the Silver Swan shortly before noon, it was all Johann could do not to double over in laughter.  His prank was proving to be even more successful than he had imagined!

It was short work for Johann to make the exchange once more.  He shook with laughter as he pictured the scene that would take place in the village when Amos arrived there shortly.

An hour later, Amos was making his way up the hill to Stefan's farm.  He wasted no time in making his complaint known.  As Johann had imagined, it was quite an uproar.  This time, the villagers recognized Amos and trailed along behind him as he made his way to the farmer's house.  They were anxious to stand behind their friend and defend him against this ignoramus from the city who didn't know the first thing about milking a goat.

Amos stated his case vehemently, and once again, was dumbstruck by the farmer's clear proof that this was a nanny goat.  The spectators all berated him for accusing an upright, innocent citizen of their village with practicing deception.

Amos was at a total loss.  It was a tossup whether he was more embarrassed here in the village, facing the antagonism of the villagers, or when he had to face Leah, and try to convince her that he was not such a fool that he couldn't even buy a goat without being cheated.

He apologized to the farmer, shrugged his shoulders, and said: "I don't know what to tell you.  You are right, this is a she-goat, and she provides fine, fresh milk.  But when I get home, it turns into a billy goat, and we don't have a single drop of milk from it.

"Please, take pity on me, and all of you sign a statement that the goat I bought is a nanny goat, and not a billy goat."

The villagers were highly amused.  They were a kindly sort, and agreed to comply with Amos' request.  Soon he left the village for the third time, taking the goat with him, but not before he had carefully tucked the "certificate" the villagers had provided for him into an inner pocket of his coat for safekeeping.

The routine was familiar to him now; soon he was at the Silver Swan, displaying his new certificate to Johann.  The innkeeper examined the paper carefully, all the while withholding the chuckles that played on his lips.  Then he sent his son to bring Amos a cool drink, and excused himself.  He had work to do…

It was no problem slipping the nanny goat into the barn and replacing it with his own billy goat.  Amos was in no hurry to leave the inn.  After a long drink and a pleasant rest, he got to his feet and plodded out the door.  He knew that he had a long walk before him, and it wouldn't do to let the sun set on him before he reached home.

Weary to the bone, but relieved to know that this time he had incontrovertible proof that he was right, Amos led the goat up the path to the yard, tied it to a fence post, and went into the house.

"Leah," he called.  "I'm back, finally, and this time I can prove to you that I brought you a nanny goat!"

The argument that ensued was more vehement than ever.  The whole town came to try to make peace.  Amos told them, one after the other, that he had bought a nanny goat that gave top quality milk, and he displayed the certificate that proved he was telling the truth.

Leah held her ground: "It's a billy goat, and there's no milk to be had from it!"

A few of the bolder members of the community made their way into the yard to check out the problematic goat.  No one was able to produce a single drop of milk from the animal.

Amos didn't take the ruckus sitting down.  He produced his official certificate, and left the good people of Chelm thoroughly perplexed.

For seven days, the Council of the Wise Men of Chelm sat and deliberated the problem.  After a week's reflection and contemplation, they declared that they had found an answer to the dilemma.  This was neither a he-goat nor a she-goat, but a new, third type, hitherto unknown.  This new type of animal, when in the village, was, indeed a nanny goat, but when it arrived at the gates of Chelm, this new breed of goat somehow changed, and became a billy goat.

Both Amos and Leah were right, but neither of them had a drop of goat's milk to show for all their trouble.

********

The High Holy Days are almost upon us.  We resolve again and again to improve ourselves, to polish our personalities, to guard our tongues, to re-evaluate our priorities.  The yetzer horo (evil inclination) doesn't object, any more than Johann objected.  He just sits back and watches us, waiting until we're busy with something else.  Then, when our guard is down, he quietly goes about his work of changing good for bad, worthwhile projects for ways to just pass the time of day, and other tricks that counteract our resolve to improve. 

We're not even aware of what he's doing, or when and how he operates.  All we know is that, when we finally get home, there we are, holding a billy goat instead of the top-grade she-goat we were so sure that we had attained.

It's not enough to go to the village and buy the nanny-goat; once we have it, we need to be on our guard to make sure that we don't lose it again to Johann and the yetzer horo.  Only if we keep a firm grasp on our "nanny goat" can we be sure that we'll get home with it intact!