Judaism considers the fostering of unity and fellowship as the creation of a new entity, one of a higher order. Building a bond between two people requires a determined effort and cooperation. Each person is unique. It follows that no matter how compatible two people feel they are, there will be differences between them. If, as in the proverbial children's rhyme, one of them can “eat no fat, and one can eat no lean”, and their preferences complement each other, then peace reigns. However, when “one likes it hot, and one likes it cold”, and there is only one control button to regulate the heating/air conditioning, the result is just the opposite: an inevitable conflict of interests, which must be worked out calmly and peaceably to the benefit of both parties. Similarly, day to day life with a spouse will bring forth both aspects of the differences between them. Each has his or her own outlook on life and attitudes to events. Optimally, a person will feel that his spouse opens new windows and broadens his horizons. This is a positive approach to differences. 

The more difficult side of the coin arises when a difference becomes a point of dissension. In such cases, a workable compromise can be worked out if both sides are determined to see that, above all, peace reign in their abode. If so, both will come to the table not with the attitude that he or she must find a way to impose his or her preference on the other, but that together, they must work out a suitable compromise which will maintain the warm, amiable atmosphere of their home. 

Another essential ingredient of a successful marriage is learning to accept the fact that no one, not even our spouse, is perfect. When we accept our better half, with all his or her failings, just as we wish to be accepted together with our blemishes and shortcomings of character, we create unity. As the Sages of old put it, when there is light, peace reigns, since each side is able to observe how the other one makes up for his own shortcomings; a man can perceive the many ways in which his wife helps him to perfect his own character, and vice versa. This is also connected to the commandment to light candles on Friday night in honor of Shabbat (the Sabbath).

The Talmud explains: When a husband and a wife are deserving, the Divine Presence dwells between them.  If they are not deserving, they are consumed by the fire of dissension.” (Tractate Sota, 17a). In order to be found deserving, the couple must choose the correct path in life. A couple who makes a sincere effort to strengthen the bond between them, who devotes time and effort to building their marriage and buttressing their home against the storms which sometimes rage without, will certainly find their efforts well rewarded. Together, they will refine their character and improve their personalities, helping each other along the way. Each one feels himself growing. He becomes a better person, more complete, more giving, with greater potential and greater accomplishments. Can there be any greater satisfaction in life than this?