The foundations of a healthy home are based on the husband's and wife's natural human instinct to give to others. However, if they feel that it is a burden, that they “have” to give, then the day will surely come when they feel that they have already given enough. This feeling is the first step toward the tragedy of a broken home.

A person comes into this world with an inborn instinct to love others. This instinct helps us to find our way in life. It is natural for a person to love his parents, and, later, his children. This is an extension of his love for himself; it is a positive form of love. In some cases, the person will love only his parents and children. Others will extend this love to their spouse, as well.

In actual fact, it is only logical that husband and wife should develop a comprehensive love between them, just as a parent loves his child, since a man's wife is, as Adam said of Eve: “bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh.” It would follow that a husband love his wife just as he loves his own flesh and blood. However, when Eve, the mother of all mankind, sinned, she diminished somewhat the level of Adam's love for her, so that it was no longer equivalent to Adam's love for his own flesh and bone. The Creator divided Eve's love, and transformed it to love for one's fellow man. Henceforth, husband and wife could attain full measure of love between them only when man leaves the his father and mother who raised him and establishes a new home together with his wife, as the Verse tells us:

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become as one flesh”.  (Genesis 2:24). 

Of the wife, the Torah says: “...and your craving will be for your husband...” 

Rabbi Moshe Nachmanides, a great Torah scholar and leader of the 13th century, notes that it was only in the case of Mankind that the female was fashioned from a bone of the body of the male. He suggests that one reason the Creator did this was so that there be a permanent bond between husband and wife. In contrast, the majority of beasts will mate and then go their separate ways. No permanent bond remains between the parents of the offspring that are subsequently born.

Not so, Man. Upon first discovering Eve, Adam recognized at once that this was his ideal help-mate: “This time, it is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. This shall be called Woman, for she was taken from Man.” The very next verse describes the ramifications of this unique phenomenon, the formation of Eve from a part of Adam's own body: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become as one flesh” (Genesis 2:23-25).

The Ramban expounds the passage and explains that it is because of the unique manner in which Man's helpmate was fashioned, from his own flesh and bone – that the human race is distinguished by this inborn bond of matrimony. The wife will cling to her husband, and he to her, just as he does to his own body.  He will want to be in her company all the time, as Eve was with Adam. This inner inclination for husband and wife to bond to each other was implanted in the first man and woman, and passed on to all their descendents as an integral part of their emotional makeup. Man's nature is to cling to his wife, and to feel closer to her than he does to his father and mother, for he sees himself and his wife “as one flesh.”

In the words of the Ramban:

In my eyes, the correct explanation (of this verse) is that beasts and animals do not form a permanent bond with the female, but mate with whatever female they happen upon, and then go their way. This is the reason that the Verse tells us that in the case of Mankind, the female was formed from Adam's very bone and from his very flesh, so that he would feel bound up with her as he feels bonded to his own flesh and bone. Unlike the beast, Adam felt completely as one with Eve, achieving total bonding with her… Consequently, he seeks her constant companionship. This attribute was passed on to all of Adam's descendents. 

Rabbi Abraham ben David, often called “the Ravad” – acronym of his name – lived in southern France from 1125 to 1198. He was regarded as an outstanding Talmudist and scholar of Kabbalah; his writings are studied yet today. In his work, Baalei Nefesh, the Ravad explains: “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife,” as the Scriptures say.  A man's wife should be special in his eyes, and he should be special in her eyes. Therefore, if is fitting that a husband love his wife as he loves his own body, and that he show her more respect that he shows himself. He should have compassion for her and protect her, just as he protects his own limbs. And she should show him respect and love him as she loves herself, for she was taken from him.

The more a couple cultivate their love through voluntary, mutual giving to each other, the deeper that love will become. Eventually, it will flow naturally and their nature will be to give to others. Should they fail to make an effort to cultivate the love between them, it will remain external, and temporary. 

Perfect love, as one feels toward a part of his body, can be felt only toward something that was a part of himself. This is why the Creator took a part of Adam's body as the basis from which He created Eve, so that there might be perfect love between them. This is also the reason that the couple found favor in each other's eyes and decided to marry in the first place.

This level of love can be attained only when it includes a physical bond. The greater the physical attraction, the greater will be the couple's inner love. However, it is essential that the couple act “for a spiritual end-purpose, as the Holy Zohar states: “A man must arouse himself to a level of fiery desire for the sake of Heaven.”

This giving can be likened to preparing a dough by combining water and flour. The end result is neither flour, nor water, but a new entity that incorporates both: a dough in which two components have become one. Giving on this level forms an inner bond, so that two individuals become united to form a new entity, a healthy, happy family. It is this sort of love which is required in order to create the bond between husband and wife. Following along this line of thought, our Sages have taught that when the couple unite physically, they should take care that nothing, even a small garment, be separating them. A physical division may lead to an abstract one, since they do not experience the sense of become one, completely united entity.

The physical bond between the couple comprises a great spiritual potential, as well. It brings the two to feel as one body, leading to a natural, inner love. This is the highest level of perfection in the love between husband and wife. It is this love that the Creator intends to serve as the bond between husband and wife.