The Creator fashioned man that he have pleasure and delight in sexual intimacy. As a result, man is given the opportunity to use his body to enhance his bond with his spouse. Were it not for the pleasure man has when with his wife, he would not be motivated to enhance his bond with her and to elevate the world closer to its ultimate state of complete harmony. The Jewish People are charged by their Creator with the task of sublimating the physical world by using it to attain spiritual goals. The task of the Jew is to use body and soul, the material and the spiritual, and with them build a unified, harmonious Jewish family.

Man grows spiritually by harnessing his physical forces to attain spiritual goals. Using his body to accomplish matters of the soul sublimates the physical to the spiritual. This is the meaning of “sanctity.” Of all the myriad creatures in the animal world, only man is endowed with free will: only man is empowered to choose to channel his physical powers for the achievement of spiritual goals. This is why Man is the crowning glory of all that G-d created. Only he has a soul, and only he can transform physical forces into spiritual ones.

Our Sages tell us that the Creator sought a “dwelling place” for His Presence in the physical world. At the time of the Giving of the Torah at Sinai, He revealed to the Jewish People the secret of how they might create that House in which G-d's Presence might dwell: “and you shall be sacred and devoted unto Me.” This is the “secret code.” Sanctity means the sublimation of the material world to higher spheres, by dedicating our actions to the service of the Creator.

Man's uniqueness lies in the fact that he, and he alone, is empowered to make the choice to fulfill the Will of His Creator. Even within the realm of Mankind, there is no other ethos or religion, creed or doctrine, apart from Judaism, which reveals to man how he may exploit his physical powers to create spiritual worlds. In contrast, many cultures make a clear distinction between the physical and spiritual realms, and teach that an abysmal rift divides body from soul. They declare that the two constitute a dichotomy which cannot be breached. Consequently, according to their doctrines, the only way a human being can achieve any degree of sanctity is by cutting himself off from the physical world and its pleasures, and secluding himself in a monastery, a convent, an ashram, or the like. He must deny himself any physical enjoyment of this world. Rather than channeling the powers of the body, they repress them altogether. As they see it, man is not a composite of body and soul, but must aspire to be only soul.

Judaism teaches us that the secret to sanctifying one's life is just the opposite. Combine body and soul; enlist the powers of your limbs, your heart, your senses, and your energies in the service of your soul. Enjoy fully the delicious tastes of all the foods G-d has given us, savor their myriad flavors, enjoy their aroma, and thank the Creator for showering His blessing on us. One cannot fully express his appreciation for a gift that was never opened or a five-layer cake that was never tasted.

Judaism teaches us that G-d has created a wonderful, beautiful world in which He wants us to delight. However, the point is that we should remain fully aware that it was not Man who created all this, but the King of Kings, and the Master of the World. It is He whom we must thank, and to Him we pray and offer our praises in acknowledgment of His masterpiece of a Universe. Only the Torah reveals to us the secret of how to combine body and soul. This is the inner wisdom of Judaism. It also explains how to fulfill the commandment G-d gave to the Jewish People while they were in the wilderness: “And you shall be a kingdom of priests and a holy nation unto Me” (Exodus 19:6). Yes, while we are still here, very much involved in our this-worldly lives, preoccupied with our worldly concerns, if we so wish, we can serve our G-d as did the priests of old in the Sanctuary in Jerusalem!

That said, an obvious question arises. We have stressed the importance of the physical relationship between husband and wife. We now ask: If the physical aspect of their relationship is so essential and so important, why does the Torah instruct the couple to avoid all physical contact for approximately two weeks of each month? The explanation is that the question is the answer, so to speak. It is just because this bond is of such importance that the Torah instructs us to protect it. Physical intimacy is an effective way of uniting a couple and cementing bonds of love only when, in the words of Maimonides, both partners desire it and rejoice in it. (Rambam, Hilchot Dei'ot, Chapter 5).

The Maharal of Prague also stresses that if the woman does not find pleasure in being with her husband, it will not serve to strengthen her bond with him. (Writings of the Maharal, Gevurot Hashem 43). The Torah encourages the couple to come together not only willingly, but with great desire for each other. (The children born of such a union will be more complete and beloved, cleverer and wiser, as is discussed widely in Jewish sacred literature.)  With its incomparable knowledge with the human body, and the character of man, the Torah can best advise us how the couple can fulfill the extensive spiritual and emotional potential which lies in physical intimacy between husband and wife.

Two things result from the power of giving: unity and a consolidation of the emotional tie between the giver and the receiver. The power of giving comes from wholeness, not from a lack. The heart of one who loves his fellowman is whole and happy. It seeks to widen the circle of its giving, to reach out to more and more people, like a river whose waters flow swiftly and spill out over the banks and irrigate all in its path.

The Torah forbids physical contact between husband and wife during the time of the month when their hearts are not full of joy, and they do not seek intimacy. Contact at this time will not have the desired effect of deepening the bond between husband and wife, for it will be half-hearted and incomplete. At this time, the reaction and pleasure will be lacking; the unity it is meant to consolidate will not be complete and perfect, but of a lower, inferior quality which will hamper the fulfillment of its spiritual purpose.

The emotional component of physical content depends on two factors. Firstly, the external factors, such as the emotional bond between the two. An additional factor is the inner makeup of each one, including, for instance, his physical, emotional, and spiritual state at the time. Another way of looking at it is to say that each spouse is interested in pursuing physical contact and is happy with it when the emotional bond between them is good, and pleasant. And when his body, his inner emotions and his mood are at peace so that it can bond with the other spouse.